- GUILT & INFORMED CHOICE
Guilt is a big factor in being a parent: and informed choice is the best way to get over it. By making sure that you are doing the best that you can, in your circumstances, for your family, you can let go of the guilt.
Guilt is a state in which one experiences conflict at having done something that one believes one should not have done: it gives rise to a feeling which does not go away easily, driven by conscience. It is really something we feel when we know we've done something deliberately wrong, and this doesn't usually apply to infant feeding, when most parents work out what's likely to be best for them and their baby in their own particular circumstances. For example, if breastfeeding didn't work out well, understanding what happened can help, as can considering where you might get support if there's a next time with another baby.
A lot of mothers feel guilt about their choice to mix feed when their maternity leave ends. Here are some of the things women have said about their return to work:
“I mix-fed from around 8 months when I went back to work. I tried to express during the day but for reasons too long and complicated to go into it didn't work out, so I reluctantly went over to giving formula whilst I was at work. I felt bad about it, and I would have liked not to have had to, but it was the best I could manage at the time.”“I would have preferred to continue to give 100% breastmilk, but life's full of compromise”
“I did feel hideously guilty at first, but I got over it with time, as I felt that I'd made the best overall choices. Motherhood does unfortunately involve compromises."
“Some of the things I thought about were:
Pros : I didn't have to express, and I was working in a very unsupportive environment and getting increasingly stressed and depressed about it. Probably the biggest pro.
Meant that if I was late home or something DH was never panicking that he had nothing to give her.
Cons : risk of allergy (we have a family history)
Risk of constipation.
Risk of nipple confusion.
Risk of supply problems.
Cost.
GUILT!!
In the end, the complete tizz I was getting into about the expressing won the day, and fortunately none of the potential risks came to fruition, except the guilt of course, but that's part and parcel of motherhood isn't it??
I'm not going to attempt to tell you what to do, but I thought it might be helpful for you to know what factors someone else considered.""Guilt, yep, that's a feeling every mother knows isn't it? Whatever we do, I think we are all plagued by the notion that we're not doing our best. But it's such a negative, unhelpful emotion! I've personally always found it helpful to sit down and have a long hard look at the real facts of a matter, often when I've done that, I don't feel guilty anywhere near as much, and if I still do, then maybe I need to rethink things. But I seriously doubt you have anything to feel guilty about.
Look at it this way...
So far, your baby has been exclusively breastfed for X number of weeks. Fantastic! That is a really great start to their life, a lot more breastmilk than most babies in the UK get, and maybe a lot more than you ever thought you'd manage. So WELL DONE....stop beating yourself up and give yourself a great big pat on the back.
Next... breastfeeding is a very important part of mothering, but it's a part, not the whole. Your child is going to need lots of other things as they grow up: you are going to provide many of those things. Going out to work doesn't stop you being a mum.
And finally...returning to work doesn't mean that you have to stop breastfeeding altogether. There are a variety of options - you could express at work, so baby can have ebm when you're apart. Or if that doesn't work out, you may well be able to combine formula, and in due course solids, during the day, with bf when you're together. It's not always easy I grant you, but it can be done! If you are still enjoying it, you don't have to stop."
>> Potential Problems With Giving Formula
